Episode #4

This time on BARBARA's

Silence fills the hall, as the last note hovers like a shard of glass.

"Next."
Barbara gasps,
"Does this mean I get the job?"

"Listen babe, you're cute, real cute, but I need something with style, something different, something less painful . . .

"Oh, but Ms. Max, I can be all those things if only you would give me the chance."

The other audtionees, begin to get angry at Barbara's whining. Ms. Max is amused, but not necessarily impressed, by the girl's brash new way.
"Toots, like I said, you're cute, I could probably even go for a gal like you in other lifetime on another planet, maybe with earplugs, but unless you got something to show me, something special . . ."
Ms. Max leers in the dark.
"Well, uh, I, uh . . ."
Suddenly this mass of hair, taffeta and earrings bursts throught the back house door.


Live TrudyVision camera at The Data Lounge Network Operations Center
"Looks like I got here just in time . . . you little bitch"
All eyes rivet on the dark form slowly advancing forward. Is it human or plastic?
"Who the hell is this?"
Barbara almost drops her corsage (figuratively, she's not wearing one really). Her sister Beulah and her hair, penetrating everthing that is, no, was, good and decent in that room.
Ms. Max, may I present my evil twin sister Beu...

"Lovely and charmed I am as sure as you."

Beulah knew how to work a room, she always starts at the top and she always gets what she wants.
"Hey babe, your sis', what a dish and I'm lookin' for an hors d'oeuvre"

"You speak french? Mais comme que tu est raffinee ma belle poisson"

"Ooo, you're some fancy talker lady, I like that, I could use someone like you around here, what can you do?"

"Just about anything you can think of, and just a bit more. ...I also sing."

Barbara becomes nervous, she knows.
"Ms. Max, you can't get mixed up with Beulah, she'll chew you up and spit you out like a bad corn dog"

Hey, don't worry about me, if she's gonna eat me, she'll find out I'm pretty tough. AND, I need a new act. If this ball o' hair with the bodacious knockers can really sing, I think I can use her..."

Barbara, seeing her dreams start to crash once again do to her meddling sister, begins to breath erratically, almost crying. Ms. Max continues,
"...and you doin' a sort of twins routine. You know, like the Del Rubio triplets, only not so many."
Barbara, all innocence, believes that Ms. Max is interested in her somewhat unusual vocal talents... Ms. Max winks at Barbara. Beulah hisses,
"Do you want live in a box for the rest of your life?"
Barbara, contemplates this development. She hasn't seen Beulah since the time Beulah accidentally deep-fried her Pekinese. Barbara looks over to where Beulah is seated on Ms. Max's lap. Barbara can't see the expression on Ms. Max's face, Beulah's hair has blocked it out completely. Maybe, Beulah has changed, this time, maybe she is good and kind and likes flowers, children, and most little dogs. But it sounds like Ms. Max is in trouble, until she says,
"Oh honey pot, do that again and I'm gonna give both you girls a run-of-the-show contract." "With residuals."

What Happens?

On The Next Episode of BARBARA's

Iona Traylor, the never-comeback starlet and calendar girl, fighting for her chance to be seen in the next episode, misses the limo sent to pick her up for make-up and walks down Hollywood Boulevard searching vainly for the studio and is unfortunatley mistaken for a vagrant, picked up by the local police and will not be seen in the next episdoe where if she had shown up would have replaced Carmelita Pope to star as the fading chanteuse recognizing Barbara's talent and Beulah's evil intentions (but really hot bod) and save Ms. Max from a horrible, however pleasurable,fate